Emo graduation-related post #50 million


I was in one of the moods in which it felt very necessary to write, but then I can't quite remember what I'd wanted to write about. So now I am in one of those moods where I can't decide whether I'm sad or amusing. But not really, in the most cheerful sense. Really. Tired smiley face.

Graduation is tomorrow. Today was prize stuff and spiritual stuff, both of which were a lot more meaningful and loaded than the syntactic analogue of my hypothetical tired smiley face might suggest. A few things I want to remember that might hopefully make more sense than that last clause, even if they are far less significant than the awesome pioneering polar explorer lady who was our speaker today:

1. I read from 1 Corinthians at our service, and it was really interesting because a couple months ago when I was hoarse for the gospel choir concert, I could sing but I could hardly talk. Today I could talk but I could hardly sing. Humourous ailments like these are good reminders of my silliness/divine sufficiency.

2. I hadn't expected to feel so wistful about the absence of my family. Over the last couple months I'd gone through what is hopefully an appropriate series of emotional stages about this, from dismissive cheer to a couple days of sadness to calm cheer -- but then today walking out of three different ceremonies was walking out from affirmation among classmates to solitude. And wonderful friends intervened quickly, because I am spoilt like that and have a whole range of surrogate family here ranging from the most generalized abstracted sense to rare people with whom I interact like how I interact with my immediate family at home. But it was still a thing.

And just because I've never said it here but have been telling it to everyone who asked, for a month or so this has been my now-hackneyed but still true response to people who ask how I feel about the whole deal: there's so much I'll miss here, but I have so much to be excited about.

Play on.